dabbling with watercolors
ah... i've finally done it. instead of merely fantasizing about experimenting with different art mediums, i made a commitment. art supplies have been bought. there's no going back now...! i'm trying something new, and learning how to paint with watercolors!!
working with watercolors has proven to be a very interesting experience. i'm not used to physical art mediums, let alone one that is notorious for being so fickle. but that's actually what i'm enjoying about it!
when i was a teenager, i took some extracurricular art courses. i learned the fundamentals of drawing with charcoal, and eventually moved onto watercolor. though i only have vague memories of those lessons... i remember basic aspects of the process, and not much else. so it's been interesting to refresh my memory, now with 15 years of art experience on top of it.
i'm fascinated by the considerations i have to make while painting. how will these paint pigments mix together, or carefully planning out which parts to paint first, etc. even things like deliberately painting propped up at an angle, so the water and the pigments suspended in it can flow downwards for a particular effect... it's a much more tactile experience than i'm used to.
my main experience with "mixing together physical pigments" is through makeup more than anything else, haha. which is VERY different, but a lot of the principles i've learned still apply. thinking about how pigments interact with each other, how to avoid mixing muddy colors, considering the sheerness/opacity of a color, etc.
so far, i've only completed one little painting, and some random doodles in my mixed media sketchbook. but there's something about it that's really satisfying to me. i'm trying not to fret too much about how "good" or "bad" i am, and to just have fun with the process. when i was learning how to draw, i was taught a rather nihilist perspective; "no matter what, you're going to suck, so just embrace it". but to me, this felt more defeatist than anything else. i spent so many years hating myself and my work, feeling a strong compulsion to put down anything i created.
rather than embracing "being bad", i would rather embrace enjoying the process. because while i may look at my finished result, knowing that i have much to learn, i still got some level of satisfaction out of the experience. maybe the paint dispersed in unpredictable ways, or maybe my hand tremors got out of control and made me mess up. but at least i was engaged and interested in learning more. i want to keep going, for the sake of learning something new and because i am having fun with it.
also, there's something satisfying about making something that is physically tangible. i kept holding the little painting i made in my hands, and looking down at it in wonder. i have a theory why this is hitting me particularly hard right now: i think my brain's gotten messed up after having to uproot and replant my digital existence so many times over the years. i've reposted my backlog of art so many times, and i'm still procrastinating on figuring out a more "semi-permanent" host for my work. everything feels so fleeting. existing online in the 2020s is deeply miserable. etc, etc.
so having a different outlet to focus on - with less personal baggage and relatively disconnected from the online world - i think it's been really helpful for me. it's not that i think that digital art is "not real art"; if anything, i resent how many times i've been told that by others over the years. but i don't own any prints of my work, just a few stickers and business cards. it'd be nice to someday... i just really like holding items. ehehe.
anyway, i think it's been helpful for digging myself out of this Incredibly Deep Depression Hole. i've gotten into this routine where after dinner, i'll put on random 80s/90s Star Trek episodes while i play around with paints. pleasant evening activity. i'm not sure what i'll paint next, but i'm having fun with it.