to play a game
lately, i've been reflecting on how i feel about video games... i mean, alright, i already do that a lot. my relationship with games has been messy and strained for a long time. but, i found myself wondering if i liked the idea of playing games more than actually playing them.
back on cohost, i wrote occasionally about my game design preferences. it's a little nervewracking for me to open up about it, admittedly. a lot of game enthusiast mindsets revolve around "the harder the game, the better" as a general philosophy. how people interpret or iterate on that philosophy can differ greatly, but no matter what, the general concept of "challenge" dominates game design discussions.
but honestly... it bores me to think of games that way. i can see why people feel compelled by difficult, skill-dense games; i've spent at least 15 years listening to people spout the virtues of ultra hard games. that's not news to me. but on average, i am much more interested in games as a form of play than as a pure challenge.
anyone who has spoken to me for more than 10 minutes probably knows that i use the word "toy" a lot. it's got a good mouthfeel, for one. but i'm a very play-driven person. i like to experiment. and tinker, and fiddle, and play. i'm fueled by my curiosity, and my desire to experience a sense of self-fulfillment and satisfaction. that's just the kind of person i am.
this affects the way i approach games. i am, for the most part, disinterested in "completing a challenge". but i love games that feel experimental and strange, or have open-ended goals. i'm charmed by games that have "unnecessary fluff", added by bored developers who wanted to amuse themselves.
occasionally, i'll feel the pull of a game that's dense with complex mechanics. but this happens... once a year, at most...? i really have to be in the mood for that sort of thing... it usually takes all of my concentration and energy to grasp it. the idea of picking up a complicated, difficult game on a whim, let alone a regular basis, is completely alien to me.
and yet, that's a lot of what drives game design discussion. there was a period of time where i read articles or watched videos on game design analysis, but a lot of it really annoyed me. they would casually dismiss all the things i find compelling about games as "unnecessary", or "directionless", etc. pissed me off!
i can respect what other people might find compelling about their favorite games, even if i don't feel the same way. (sorry to literally everyone i know, but fighting games absolutely bore me to death, even if i do respect the artform and skill behind them immensely.) but on the whole, i don't really feel like my personal preferences get the same level of respect from others.
some may find it difficult to resist the urge to divide it into a dichotomy: "easy, casual games" and "difficult, hardcore games". like virtually all dichotomies, this is needlessly reductive. (i'm nonbinary, of course i'm saying this.) i don't see myself as a "casual gamer" in the slightest; if anything, my taste is kind of esoteric and strange!
that is not a bad thing, of course. i've been described as "strange and offputting" by others, so it only makes sense that my taste in games is slightly incomprehensible. i love fairly mainstream classics like Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, but i fell in love with that game for its strange quirks and meticulous attention to detail, not for being A Blueprint For Future Metroidvanias Which Would "Do It Better". and then i love niche games like Mario Artist: Polygon Studio for its surreal, open-ended exploration mode, which absolutely captivated me for hours on end. most people would probably find it janky, rough around the edges, and too directionless - but that's precisely what i loved about it!
now, i've written all of this out in hopes that i'll find an answer to my original question posed at the beginning: do i find the idea of games more interesting than playing them...? i'm not sure if i'm any closer to that. i find it plenty fulfilling to watch other people play games, and experience them vicariously through someone else's expertise and passion. but every now and then - and i do mean very occasionally - i'll come across something that compels me to pick up the controller myself. sometimes, a toy is just too irresistible, and i can't stop myself from picking it up and playing with it