travels, kindness, and hope
everything feels so bleak. but i'm trying to stop and remind myself of the good that's out there in the world, because otherwise, i'll get overwhelmed with sheer misery. today's post is dedicated to holding on tight to the love and kindness that exists in my life, and not letting go.
i've been in desperate need of something to look forward to, and i imagine that a lot of people are in a similar position. a good friend of mine offered to host my spouse and i for an extended weekend trip. so we hopped on a train going down to Milwaukee, and let myself exist offline for a while.
it was really nice! i got to be Unapologetically Tulip, i was absolutely spoiled with delicious food (!!), and we got to do some sightseeing around the city together.
day one of my adventures around the city: we went to the Milwaukee Art Museum, which was neat. it's been several years since i've been to an art museum - i keep wanting to visit museums, but transporation's a big issue for me - and i really enjoyed taking my time to look around. part of the building is shaped like an abstract ship, right on the shore of Lake Michigan. there's a big pedestrian bridge that extends off the "bow" of the ship, connecting the building to a parking garage. i wish i got my own photos of it, but their website has a page dedicated to the architecture, with some cool photos.
my favorite exhibit by far was the design section. which was basically a big ol combination of all of my interests. art deco furniture! antique cameras! the fucking OLPC XO laptop!!!! i had a blast scurrying around and fawning over all the objects on display.
some of these antique cameras were neat. back in college, i took a course on the history of photography, so i was really excited to see some of these in person. i've seen Kodak Brownie cameras before, but they had quite a colorful assortment of them! or... um. well, i suppose you'll just have to take my word for it here. because i only took photos of them with my Game Boy Camera. (oops.)
i was also smitten with this camera in the front - which i am struggling to source, i'm sorry! - which had a very elegant mechanism for retracting and covering the lens. i'm not a certified Camera Nerdâ„¢, but honestly, i nearly went into photography instead of illustration. it's a nice intersection of "Cool Gadgets" and "Creative Expression". i admire photography a lot.
onto day two: The Domes!!! ohhh, i was really excited about these. the Mitchell Park Domes are a series of three indoor gardens: a tropical garden, a desert garden, and a seasonal garden with plants that rotate out through the year. it was ICE COLD that day - around 2F, or -17C - and walking around some warm gardens filled with plants is just what i needed.
i haven't really been to a desert before, so it was neat seeing all the sections representing different desert environments all over the world. plants evolve in some pretty cool ways in order to survive harsh environments...
later that afternoon, we went to Renaissance Books, a used bookstore located inside the Milwaukee airport. oh, we weren't flying out or anything. it's before security, and i've wanted to visit this place for ages.
it's an independent used bookstore, beloved by pretty much anyone who's visited it. i first learned of it when Frank Cifaldi posted about it on Twitter - though unfortunately, the thread is now unreadable to logged out users - and it absolutely delighted me. so i was really excited to finally visit it in person. i picked up Fun Home by Alison Bechdel; one of the employees noticed me carrying it around the bookstore while browsing, and said "ohhhohoho, great choice. you're in for a treat."
walking through and browsing the bookshelves was such a relaxing activity... i loved seeing all the handwritten recommendations around the store. they have a lot of old and interesting books in their collection, but i found myself mostly browsing the art book section. i successfully resisted the urge to pick up more books on art deco (i own enough as it is) and chose a book on painting with watercolors instead.
day three: i was supposed to catch another train to visit my parents down in Chicago, but it got canceled due to severe cold weather. like, highs of 5F/-15C type cold weather. and normally, this is when i'd begin to panic about being stranded, but... both the friend i was staying with and my mom happily offered to drive me instead. i was kind of stunned... it's about an hour and a half both ways, after all.
i ended up taking my friend's offer to drive down to my parents house. but before that, we made some pancakes together, and watched an episode of GameCenter CX over breakfast. my spouse and i wanted to grab some coffee before we hit the road, so we stopped at a local cafe on our way out of town. as i waited for my coffee order, i decided to browse their corkboard of local events and flyers to pass some time. couldn't help but smile fondly at a flyer listing HRT resources in the city, surrounded with little trans pride hearts.
during the road trip, i kept thinking about how much i appreciated the love and kindness that is present in my life. it's not something that i take lightly... i have been spent most of my life skittish and wary of other people. if you told me five years ago that i'd eventually be visiting online friends in other states, staying over at their homes, and entrusting myself in their care, i'd spit out my drink in disbelief.
i spent a long time wondering if there was something horribly wrong with me, because i struggled so much with platonic relationships. it's taken a lot of time and effort for me to build trust with other people. but i think i've come a long way.
so, even though everything does feel bleak and uncertain and terrifying... i'm trying my best to maintain connections with other people, and seek out good in the world. whether it's spending time with loved ones, lending help and support when i'm able to, being active in communities, or trying to scrounge up whatever joy i can; i just want to do my best to survive.